Question: Let me tell you about an experience. My whole reality changed, or I could say reality got a plus to it. A kind of energy was emanating from my pure being. Everybody got centred on me and I saw the Self in their eyes. What do I mean with god-
Jan: This sounds like an authentic experience, not something "pre-
When one realizes the divine, one has to be very humble about it. True, there is oneness, but if there is a crying out of "I am god" that is the ego crying out and the oneness is not complete. When you are one with God, there is no one to say he is one with God. Also it is not "God realizing god in me"; God is already perfectly and totally Self-
It sounds like you have had an aroused kundalini. The "kind of energy emanating from your pure being" is Shakti: The Divine Mother as the energy of the pure being. This radiates from one when one has been blessed by Mother with an active kundalini-
After such experiences, or periods, one usually enters a phase of painful emptiness as the Shakti recedes and there is only void left. The remedy to this is devotion to Shakti and this is expressed in meditation on her presence in you as Kundalini. The meditations under How to Meditate are designed for this and I recommend you try them for a period of time and let me know how it works out.
When the Divine first breaks into ones awareness it usually happens with a bang. This contrasts starkly with the void of merging with pure being. It is important not to value one realization higher than the other. God-
Question: I have heard of sahaja samadhi what do you know about it?
Jan: Sahaja samadhi is a natural and spontaneous state of samadhi. It is Self-
Question: What is the difference between nirvikalpa and sahaja samadhi?
Jan: Nirvikalpa samadhi is temporary. Here you are absorbed completely in the void of pure being and become unconscious. Ego and sense of self recede totally. Savikalpa samadhi is also temporary; it is conscious samadhi where ego remains functional. In sahaja samadhi, ego remains functional, but there is absolutely no identification with it at all. You are free. You are one with the Self and nothing can disturb this, because the mechanism of separation, the I AM-
Question: Is it true that the process which begins with god-
Jan: Yes, what has begun with the grace of God will come to fruition some day. If God has cast his/her glance on you, you are in his/her grace and he/she will not let you go. I guess what you have experienced is the Divine Mother acting upon you, so let's say "she". Mother's grace is infallible. If you receive it, it will ripen no matter what you do. You can slow it down or speed it up but it will manifest in you without fail.
Question: In my opinion one doesn't need to get rid of the ego, more it must be illuminated, do you agree?
Jan: The ego does not get illuminated more and more, that is a misconception promoted by New Age and Anthroposophy. The truth is you become less and less identified with ego. Ego does not need to go away; you just realize more and more it is not you. However, with time and sahaja samadhi it does go more and more away, but I doubt it vanishes altogether, for then you would not even know your name nor have memories. I have been in this completely ego-
Question: isn't the end goal I AM THAT?
Jan: I AM THAT is a sad ending to a beautiful journey. It should end with love-
Question. What is devotion and what place does it have?
Jan: Devotion comes in two varieties: bhakti and parabhakti. Bhakti is a mood and parabhakti is a natural state of enlightenment.
Question: What is parabhakti like?
Jan: You are on fire with love of the divine, of God, of Shakti, of the divine mother. The body and mind become a vibrating field of what I call lovebliss, and this is hot and soft and sweet at the same time. It sucks you into love, yet there is nothing left to suck in because you are one. It is totally paradoxical. Every breath you take is a song of love for the divine mother. You see the divine mother in everything around you and this melts your heart. It is total surrender to shakti. Shakti burns you up and the fusion of Shakti and love ensures that those who sit with you become transformed and their Shakti awakens also. When this happens, you realize again and again that they and you are one in love and surrender. You do not pray anymore, because mother is showering her grace on you every moment. You are afire with her grace and this fire is contagious. You are drunk on love. Need I go on?
Question: No, this is fine. What place does parabhakti have in ones sadhana?
Jan: When you are ripe, it will come by itself. Then you will know. To get it you should get shakti going and surrender to Shakti.