Selfrealization and enlightenment is love-bliss

Go to content

Main menu

I AM is thick as a brick


Pure Being is prior

Question: For quite a while now I've had access to the-self...or rather the "I Am".

Jan: Don't confuse those two. I AM is not the Self. I'll explain below.

Q: You speak of bliss. Bliss has never really been part of my experience. For me it's just the pure isness, it's more serene than anything else.

Jan: Bliss and serenity are odd terms used to signify so much. You speak of pure isness and I AM. But pure is-ness is prior to I AM. In pure is-ness, there is no "I" that "IS", hence no I AM. I AM is a gross state that does resemble the absolute state of pure being, but is has a subtle ignorance at its core. In pure and primal is-ness you are void. This void is serene, but devoid of paramananda (what I called bliss). In this void, you experience everything else as illusion (maya). However at a higher state of development you recognize the pure being and isness in and as everything else, hence maya is not just transcended internally, but also externally, and this recognition is supremely blissfull. Just because you have not experienced this supreme bliss (param-ananda) it does not mean your serenety is higher "than anything else", it just means you have not experienced paramananda. Paramananda is a very high state and very few reach it. It is beyond pure IS-ness and utterly incomprehensible for those who have not experienced it. It is a love relationship with God where you and God merge into One-Love-Bliss.

Q: And how to transcend the "I AM" ? Or is it a natural progression of constant self-rememberance till one realizes the "I AM" in not it? and one is then able to see what is behind that?

Jan: Self-remembrance leads to the I AM state, and no further. Once fairly established in the I AM-ness, your awareness can fold back in on itself and short circuit, so to speak. But the step from I AM to pure being is best taken by grace and Shakti. It is so easy to get stuck in I AM and think you have reached the goal -- and it usually needs a helping hand to get beyond that. In I AM ness you are a witness to everything exterior including all levels of the mind and ego, except I-ness. But the final wipe out of ignorance has not taken place, there is still an I that believes it IS and it claims to be the Self, but it is not. In basic Selfrealization, this sense goes away also and there is just serene void. Selfrealization is prior to soul. Soul-realization is realizing one's I AM-ness.

Q: How does one get access to the "Self" and not the I am?

Jan: Access to I AM is not access to the Self. It is access to "a higher self", but not The Self. You can use I AM as a doorway, but it is easy to get stuck there. As I AM is a door, it is more apt to be shut than to be open. Shaktipat and kundalini er the best ways to open it. Access to Self rather than I AM is best achieved by "riding" on a surge of Shakti since Shakti is the Self. This usually requires shaktipat (kundalini-awakening). If you, however, can experience awareness as pure being-energy and let awareness become fully aware of itself, then you can momentarily snap out of I AM-ness and into pure being, or is-ness.

Q: I guess it's a bit hard to put into words as there is no observer. In explaining my state, I'll put it bluntly, the mind has stopped, if thoughts arise they are transparent and the mechnism which refers to them is also transparent. The experience is expansive. Where "I" begin and creation starts isn't clear, it's almost a feeling of oneness. This is the height of the experience during regular waking hours. If I engage too much with my environment I lose it to a certain degree. However, I can rather easily come back to this state.

Jan: Very good. You are close to basic Selfrealization. You just need to get rid of the subtle identification.

Q: My kundalini experience is minnimal. Few experiences, energy flows, root chakra stirring, but I highly doubt that it is fully awakened. Any recommendations as to highten receptivity?

Jan: Try the shakti-breathing I describe on the website. Here it is:
1.Breathe in to the count of three. Sense energy riising up the spine to the brain.
2.Hold your breath to the count of three. Sense energy radiating from the brain in all directions.
3.Breathe out to the count of three. Sens energy radiating from the brain in all directions. (or from the entire body).
It is important to find a nice and relaxed tempo so you can keep at it uninterrupted for 45 minutes. If bliss comes or shakti fills your body with love, just surrender to it and merge. I promise you will get results.

(Another questioner enters the discussion)

Question: I am stuck with this situation of witnessing I AM. It's weird. If we talk about the observer from mind, I think that this observer comes along with every new thought. New thought, new observer. Then I figured that this observer maybe is attention.

Jan: There are two observers:
1. The mind.
2. Pure being.

This means "observing the observer" has two states:
1. Awareness observing the mind observing. This is a trap.
2. Pure being observing its reflection in and as awareness. This is not a trap.

Q: Do you mean that those two are two different observations, or are they the same?

Jan: Two different observations. The seeker gets confused because he can't distinguish between them.

Q: Yes. The second one?

Jan: The second one is pure awareness. There are two objects of awareness, which are:
1. Mind as observer. - This is where people usually get stuck in the belief they are "observing the observer".
2. Pure awareness. - This is the interesting one.

Q: The second one, is this the ultimate obeserver or is there even one more, the witnessing of all? Is this second one, pure being observing its reflection in and as the minds awareness, this witnessing of I Am?

Jan: The second one. Well, you shouold understand the dichotomy:
1. Pure being observing restricted awareness observing itself.
2. Pure being observing unrestricted awareness.

In the first you have I AM observing what "I" is.
in the second you are reflexively observing that which is prior to I AM (the Self).

Q: It seems I am in the first.

Jan: Yes, you are strugling with the first level.

Q: Yes I guess. I know there is sometimes a kind of experience... When I see thoughts flowing.

Jan: To rephrase:
A. Experiencing the mind experience. This is where most get stuck.
B. Experiencing the experiencing of the mind as such. This is prior to A. This is where the more fortunate get stuck.
C. Experiencing the experiencer of the experiencing mind. This is prior to B. This is where we want to be. It ends here because here awareness folds in on itself and realizes its nature as the Self or pure being.

Q: Sometimes I am absorbed in a thought, and I don't know anything. Then in an instance I am aware that I am not absorbed in the thought anymore, and there is just nothing, just blank! When thought vanishes it seems like only I Am is there and thought is gone, so also the observer of that thought is also gone.

Jan: Yes, this sounds like reaching I AM - or level B just described. When experiencing the mind experience and then minds experience stops, you are left with I AM. I AM is the anchorpoint from where awareness experiences the mind experiencing.

Q: But still there is an observer of "I Am", and this is mind-observer as well.

Jan: Hmmm... that is unfortunate; you are stuck in a loop.

Q: Yes maybe. I think there is some concept I have to let go... Maybe I expect something to happen...

Jan: Let go of the idea that you have to witness something.

Q: Yes I agree to this. I think I have to continue doing this introspection... to just stay in and watch the automatic flow of thoughts

Jan: No, watch that which watches thoughts. Try to short-circuit it all.

Q: But it feels like a mind-observer is created everytime the attention goes to a thought.

Jan: Yes. You should reach level C described above.

Q: Is this a intuitive feeling, to try to watch the watcher?

Jan: Yes.

Q: Hmmm, I know that there is something... I think I know what you mean. It's just a very, very tiny veil separating me and the realization.

Jan: Yes! Try this:
1. Watch the thoughts.
2. Watch the watching of thoughts.
3. Hone in on the personality observing and being observed.
4. Observe both personalities (observed and observing) and realize they are two sides of a coin. The point you are observing from is I AM.
5. Observe I AM as a fiction, a fantasy.
6. Stop observing and be the pure being looking at personality.

If you then jump back into personality observing, observe that personlity and start over. This is a very high and very tricky practice. I hope it makes sense.

Q: OK, so when I am aware that there is a thought, then the watcher is there automatically. I know I am aware of the thought and identifying with it.

Jan: No, I am trying to describe a different practice. Focus on PERSONALITY rather than thought or observer. Just above I AM, personality occurs, and when I AM identifies with personlity, then all is lost. I AM can be said to be the primal identification. If you can see behind this restriction, you are home.

Q: OK this is interesting! I feel this is kind of a new ground and its very good I feel not sure about the practice. This means I have to "see" something new! So when there is no thought in particular, what is there then?

Jan: Unmanifest personality.

Q: Aha, so there is personality! Is this the I AM?

Jan: It is slightly after, there is no personality in I AM. But the distinction is so subtle it means nothing.

Q: Can "I Am" also be the observer? I mean in the sense of pure awareness?

Jan: Not really, I AM is thick as a brick, so to speak. It is really a kind of voidish, subtle self without form.

Q: Ahaaaa, this is very important to me!

Jan: Personality can observe. When I AM and personality get mixed, you have ego.

Q: But where is personality "born"/located?

Jan: I AM wants to be something, so mind offers its dubious services. This is the birthplace of personaity.

Q: OK, so then personality is also thick as a brick?

Jan: Yes.

Back to content | Back to main menu